If friends were...

Seen in various and sundry places: "If friends were flowers, I'd pick you."

If friends were roses, I'd cut you.
If friends were whiteboards, I'd erase you.
If friends were baggies, I'd pop you.
If friends were markers, I'd cap you.
If friends were ice cream, I'd freeze you.
If friends were geese, I'd cook you.
If friends were deer, I'd hunt you.
If friends were photos, I'd frame you.
If friends were packages, I'd post you.
If friends were doors, I'd shut you.
If friends were matches, I'd burn you.
If friends were fences, I'd paint you.
If friends were seeds, I'd plant you.
If friends were rifles, I'd shoot you.
If friends were clothes, I'd launder you.
If friends were pianos, I'd play you.
If friends were cars, I'd wax you.
If friends were shoes, I'd wear you.
If friends were footballs, I'd kick you.
If friends were cabbages, I'd boil you.
If friends were potatoes, I'd peel you.
If friends were pizzas, I'd slice you.
If friends were onions, I'd chop you.
If friends were marshmallows, I'd toast you.
If friends were burgers, I'd grill you.
If friends were video games, I'd beat you.
If friends were nails, I'd pound you.
If friends were laundry, I'd wring you.
If friends were glasses, I'd empty you.
If friends were cans, I'd recycle you.
If friends were pistols, I'd fire you.
If friends were food, I'd eat you.